monologue 1

if i would sit staring in front of the wide windows on the 16th floor, i would have noticed the whole city transforming. but i don't. not really. of course i know it is forever undergoing some sort of phenomenal metamorphosis. isn't the world changing an obvious statement. oh i see the bits, say the skies coloring, the waters flowing and the huge ad screen whirling; but they are the movement of details and although these contribute to the stand-back-and-admire picture, the end product is always a static one. to realize the whole city changing, i'd need to press the fast-forward button. and by the time i am satisfied with the portrayal of the prominent changes, it might be too late to grow and adapt myself in tune with the environment.  too late to decide and pinpoint where i fit in. too late to celebrate and lament the appropriate. too late to distinguish what's important and what isn't. no, i don't want to press that button. time already moves fast enough. i've got to be more observant to make better judgments during the present. but dive too deep and we're back to the details, missing the whole picture again.

so what is the balance in being the spectator yet being the participant as well. to be or not to be. or to choose the middle path like those who lack self esteem and confidence always do. then the majority of us would be drifters living in a moving yet static world. not that we refuse to accept it. we're too intelligent for feigning ignorance. perhaps we're simply too self contained, too stable seeking, too scarred from the conflicts and complications already demanded from our daily lives. perhaps none of this matters because i'm just over thinking my observations.