sometimes the unexpected just shits on you, and you have a panic moment. and then there are other times where you don't think anything can surprise you anymore, and you're wrong. but you're too numb to emotionally breakdown again.
even though people and events can sometimes make you lose faith in humanity, and you don't really understand how or why, there is always another side that hides behind the self-created shadows that haze your eyes. one that isn't a pure white light.  clad in an array of colors, it can easily be missed among the grays your traumatized emotions only seek. but it is there all the same. and sometimes knowing that is enough to reinvest your faith in.

i know fundamentally who i am and where my core stands.  i was confident that this won't change.  i still am.
but there are moments of unfeeling where it doesn't matter.  the world is open. as long as i don't cross the line, i will be fine. its more of a trial just to try. to liberate yourself from the ground that holds you down. to go to further heights just for awhile. it was great to be lost, to be whatever you wanted to be but knew you couldn't. with no constraints, no filter, the possibilities are endless.
and then there's reality.  it hits hard. you are among hundreds and thousands of people, but internally you're alone.  simply me, a floating soul. searching for a landing that's right because you obviously can't be in the clouds forever. not if you want to hold on to who you were.